{"id":2476,"date":"2016-05-28T12:30:14","date_gmt":"2016-05-28T11:30:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/?p=2476"},"modified":"2025-04-28T18:17:16","modified_gmt":"2025-04-28T17:17:16","slug":"dad-mom-yells-teenagers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/dad-mom-yells-teenagers\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s worse when dad, rather than mom, yells at teenagers"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><\/p>\n<h3><strong>Teenagers react badly to verbal hostility from fathers and become less helpful at home and with strangers. They are less affected when mothers lose their cool.<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Fathers should be gentler with teenagers, who react badly when dad yells at them, according to our study, which found that teenagers are less affected when mom is verbally hostile.<\/p>\n<p>Our findings challenge \u2018Wait till your father gets home\u2019 attitudes that traditionally position dads as the lead disciplinarians when children grow older. We showed that when dad plays this role in a heavy-handed way, it turns teenagers off from being helpful at home and with strangers. In contrast, when mom loses her cool with the kids, they don\u2019t tend to react negatively in this way.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_79_2 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title ez-toc-toggle\" style=\"cursor:pointer\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #121c4e;color:#121c4e\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #121c4e;color:#121c4e\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/dad-mom-yells-teenagers\/#Moms_and_dads_show_similar_levels_of_warmth_and_hostility_to_teenagers\" >Moms and dads show similar levels of warmth and hostility to teenagers<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/dad-mom-yells-teenagers\/#Impact_of_verbal_hostility_from_dads_matters\" >Impact of verbal hostility from dads matters<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/dad-mom-yells-teenagers\/#Mothers_warmth_and_fathers_hostility_are_key_influences\" >Mothers\u2019 warmth and fathers\u2019 hostility are key influences<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/dad-mom-yells-teenagers\/#Dads_should_avoid_traditional_disciplinarian_role_with_teenagers\" >Dads should avoid traditional disciplinarian role with teenagers<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/dad-mom-yells-teenagers\/#Fathers_may_not_realize_how_hostile_they_can_be\" >Fathers may not realize how hostile they can be<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Moms_and_dads_show_similar_levels_of_warmth_and_hostility_to_teenagers\"><\/span>Moms and dads show similar levels of warmth and hostility to teenagers<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<blockquote><p><strong>\u201cIt\u2019s really important for dads to be kind and <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/what-is-gentle-parenting-and-is-it-good-for-children\/\">gentle to their children<\/a>.\u00a0 Forget traditional messages urging you to be the harsh disciplinarian. Forget \u2018Wait till your father gets home.\u2019 Hostility from dad tends to result in negative outcomes.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>We filmed 500 adolescents talking separately with mom and dad at home. Our study was unusual because we were able to record fathers as well as mothers on film. The mothers and fathers showed similar levels of warmth and verbal hostility to the young people. So, for example, fathers\u2019 lacking warmth for their children wasn\u2019t an issue. But the same parental behaviors had considerably different effects, depending on which parent was involved.<\/p>\n<p>When dad showed hostility by, for example, shouting, being critical, disapproving or rejecting, teenage behavior toward family members and strangers tended to grow worse. That didn\u2019t happen when mothers were hostile.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Impact_of_verbal_hostility_from_dads_matters\"><\/span>Impact of verbal hostility from dads matters<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Some parents might not worry about children becoming less helpful after being told off. Not being helpful might not seem such a serious thing compared to, say, drug use or delinquency. But other research shows that having helpful attitudes at home provides wider benefits for teenagers, protecting them from becoming generally aggressive and delinquent, as well as from deviant behavior later in life.<\/p>\n<p>We also found that warmth had different effects depending on whether it came from mom or dad. The positive effects of mothers\u2019 warmth were greater than those of fathers\u2019 warmth, leading teenagers to be more helpful, sharing and willing to volunteer at home. Fathers\u2019 warmth promoted prosocial behavior toward friends, but somewhat less consistently.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Mothers_warmth_and_fathers_hostility_are_key_influences\"><\/span>Mothers\u2019 warmth and fathers\u2019 hostility are key influences<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<blockquote><p><strong>\u201cWe also found that warmth had different effects depending on whether it came from mom or dad. The positive effects of mothers\u2019 warmth were greater than those of fathers\u2019 warmth, leading teenagers to be more helpful, sharing and willing to volunteer at home.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Looking at the big picture, warm mothering is particularly effective in shaping a home of well-behaved adolescents. But such good behavior, both at home and among strangers, is put at risk when dad is verbally hostile to the teenagers.<\/p>\n<p>These findings are important even though parents\u2019 influence on their children\u2019s behavior diminishes as their offspring grow older. That is, behavior is increasingly determined by a child\u2019s character, having been shaped by parental influences in the earlier years. Our research shows that both mothers and fathers continue to be significant influences on teenage behaviors and outcomes, albeit in different ways.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Dads_should_avoid_traditional_disciplinarian_role_with_teenagers\"><\/span>Dads should avoid traditional disciplinarian role with teenagers<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Our message to dads is that it\u2019s really important to be kind and gentle with older children \u2013 even gentler sometimes than mom. Forget traditional messages urging you to be the harsh disciplinarian. Forget \u2018Wait till your father gets home.\u2019 Hostility from dad tends to produce negative outcomes.<\/p>\n<p>These are difficult insights for some fathers to act on. Boys are often trained to believe that the only acceptable emotion is anger. Many then bring that approach to fatherhood. But it doesn\u2019t work well, especially with adolescents who are behaving badly. That doesn\u2019t mean fathers should be permissive or cease to apply rules. But they should recognize the difference between being firm and being hostile.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Fathers_may_not_realize_how_hostile_they_can_be\"><\/span>Fathers may not realize how hostile they can be<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Our findings also suggest that fathers might not realize how hostile they are to teenagers at times. In our study, we scored fathers\u2019 behavior independently by observing the filmed evidence. When the observational evidence clearly pointed to fathers\u2019 hostility and negative impacts on the teenagers, the fathers, in reporting their own behavior, hadn\u2019t described it as hostile. Indeed, neither had their children. This dissonance between observational and self-reported evidence suggests that fathers should reflect on parenting styles that may seem normal to them \u2013 and to their teenagers. In reality, their approaches may be more hostile than they realize or admit and may also be damaging to their children.<\/p>\n<div class=\"retrofit-references\">\n<h4>References<\/h4>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 1.8em;\"><em>\u00a0Padilla-Walker LM, Nielson MG &amp; Day RD (2016), <a href=\"http:\/\/psycnet.apa.org\/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&amp;id=2015-44289-001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The role of parental warmth and hostility on adolescents\u2019 prosocial behavior toward multiple targets<\/a>, Journal of Family Psychology, 30<\/em><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Teenagers react badly to verbal hostility from fathers and become less helpful at home and with strangers. They are less affected when mothers do this.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":63,"featured_media":2501,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5774,5765],"tags":[45,35,1283,36,27],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/63"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2476"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19518,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476\/revisions\/19518"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2501"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}