{"id":22049,"date":"2025-08-06T19:54:41","date_gmt":"2025-08-06T18:54:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/?p=22049"},"modified":"2025-09-30T17:38:44","modified_gmt":"2025-09-30T16:38:44","slug":"how-to-talk-with-children-about-traumatic-events","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/how-to-talk-with-children-about-traumatic-events\/","title":{"rendered":"How to talk with children about traumatic events"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_79_2 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title ez-toc-toggle\" style=\"cursor:pointer\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #121c4e;color:#121c4e\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #121c4e;color:#121c4e\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/how-to-talk-with-children-about-traumatic-events\/#Key_takeaways_for_caregivers\" >Key takeaways for caregivers\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/how-to-talk-with-children-about-traumatic-events\/#Caregivers_responses_to_childrens_comments_about_traumatic_events\" >Caregivers\u2019 responses to children\u2019s comments about traumatic events\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/how-to-talk-with-children-about-traumatic-events\/#Opportunities_to_support_childrens_processing_of_trauma\" >Opportunities to support children\u2019s processing of trauma\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/how-to-talk-with-children-about-traumatic-events\/#What_caregivers_can_do_to_support_their_children_through_trauma\" >What caregivers can do to support their children through trauma\u00a0<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/how-to-talk-with-children-about-traumatic-events\/#Additional_advice\" >Additional advice\u00a0<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Key_takeaways_for_caregivers\"><\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Key takeaways for caregivers<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"3\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:1080,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Many children witness upsetting events. Contrary to what some adults believe, they often want to talk about these events.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"3\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:1080,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Acknowledging children\u2019s talk about these events is important for supporting their healthy processing and development.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"3\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:1080,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"3\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Rather than avoiding children\u2019s talk about upsetting experiences, caregivers should follow their children\u2019s lead, echo what they say, and ask open-ended questions (e.g., \u201cAnd then what happened?\u201d). In this way, parents help their children make sense of those experiences.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"3\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:1080,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"4\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Caregivers can adopt an emotion-coaching approach to help children label their emotions rather than telling children what they should or should not feel about upsetting events.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Many children witness violence, death (of loved ones or strangers), natural disasters, abuse, and other upsetting events. Often, they want and need to <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/input-shapes-output-caregiver-child-conversations-shape-childrens-fears\/\">talk about these events<\/a>.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Consider this conversation between a researcher and a six-year-old research participant, which occurred during a study on the linguistic structure of children\u2019s descriptions of everyday topics. While talking about going to the beach, the young boy said, \u201cMy brother died.\u201d The adult, a trained interviewer, responded, \u201cYour brother what?\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The boy continued, \u201cMy brother died. Um, he, um, was making a sandwich, and he fell, and a knife went in his heart.\u201d Fortunately for the shocked interviewer, her protocol called for her to simply repeat the child\u2019s words rather than evaluate what she had heard.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">How likely is it that adults will hear such talk about troubling events in everyday interactions with children? Estimates of this occurrence are hard to come by and vary widely.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 data-olk-copy-source=\"MessageBody\">Children talk about disturbing events during spontaneous personal narratives<\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/271728817_Children_Talk_About_Death\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">a study<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> of nearly 100 U.S. three-and-a-half to nine-and-a-half-year-olds on the <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/parent-child-reminiscing\/\">developing structure of personal narratives<\/a>, Carole Menig-Peterson and I found that more than half of the children who were at least six years old spontaneously produced narratives about the death of strangers, pets, and even immediate family members; such content was not as common among younger children. The interviewers had asked the children about likely events in daily life, such as whether they had ever gotten a shot at the doctor\u2019s office or gone to a birthday party.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">To our surprise, many of the older children had experienced traumatic events and even more surprisingly, seemed to want to talk to us about them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The children in this study were from a small town or rural area of a midwestern U.S. state and had no identified learning disabilities. All were European North American and from middle-class families, and none lived in a war zone or a high-crime area.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Children talked about upsetting events despite the fact that the researchers did not mention death or anything approaching such a potentially traumatizing event. To our surprise, many of the older children had experienced traumatic events and even more surprisingly, seemed to want to talk to us about them.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-olk-copy-source=\"MessageBody\">For children, exposure to disturbing events is not uncommon<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/21946253\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">research<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in eight- to 12-year-old Dutch children, scientists also found that many children had witnessed disturbing events in their lives. They defined traumatic events as those characterized by \u201cdeath, serious injury, or other threat to physical integrity\u201d (Alisic et al., 2012, p. 274), and prevalence estimates ranged from 14% to 65%.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">For children living through times of war, of course, the incidence of witnessing traumatic events would be even higher. In short, exposure to deeply disturbing events is not rare in children\u2019s lives.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Caregivers_responses_to_childrens_comments_about_traumatic_events\"><\/span><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Caregivers\u2019 responses to children\u2019s comments about traumatic events<\/span><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Like the interviewer mentioned earlier, parents and other caregivers are often jolted by a child\u2019s mention of these events and confused about how to respond. In reaction, most adults turn to a variety of strategies.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_22052\" style=\"width: 2570px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-22052\" class=\"wp-image-22052 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A mother hugs her young child who looks visibly sad.\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1707\" srcset=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-scaled.jpg 2560w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-356x237.jpg 356w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-700x467.jpg 700w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-karolina-grabowska-8910221-50x33.jpg 50w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-22052\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pexels.com\/photo\/woman-carrying-albino-baby-8910221\/\">Photo By: Kaboompics.com<\/a> on Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Some do not respond at all, whether due to their own discomfort with the information or concerns about potential negative effects of focusing on the trauma. However, such well-intentioned efforts to protect children can backfire, leaving them without a supportive outlet for expressing and processing their thoughts and feelings about the experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">Avoiding discussion with children about upsetting experiences can backfire<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">For example, in <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1002\/casp.610\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">a study<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> of 40 five- to 18-year olds (19 boys, 21 girls) who experienced a traffic accident, children who did not talk with anyone about the accident said they did not feel understood. They also experienced more symptoms of PTSD (e.g., irritability, trouble sleeping, hypervigilance) 30 weeks later than did children who spoke about the accident with trusted adults.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In this study, the children were questioned <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">six weeks after the accident<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> about whether they had talked about the accident with anyone (e.g., family, friends, therapist)<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">. <\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">This is important because of what we know about the value of psychologically debriefing individuals within days of a potentially traumatic event.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">When such talk is initiated right after the accident by someone other than the person who experienced the event, it may do more harm than good, even increasing trauma rather than decreasing it. However, if a child initiates such talk soon afterwards, then parents should follow the child\u2019s lead and listen responsively<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Opportunities_to_support_childrens_processing_of_trauma\"><\/span><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Opportunities to support children\u2019s processing of trauma<\/span><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Children\u2019s spontaneous initiation of talk about trauma is key, and we encourage caregivers to see such initiation as an opportunity to support how children navigate their reactions to difficult experiences. Although almost all parents want to help their children do just that, not all parents are prepared to do so effectively, despite having good intentions.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_22050\" style=\"width: 2570px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-22050\" class=\"size-full wp-image-22050\" src=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1707\" srcset=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-scaled.jpg 2560w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-356x237.jpg 356w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-700x467.jpg 700w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-artur-skoniecki-272612-4671940-50x33.jpg 50w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-22050\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pexels.com\/photo\/grayscale-photo-of-a-boy-looking-at-the-camera-4671940\/\">Artur Skoniecki<\/a> on Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Researchers have identified three general parenting styles that actually exacerbate symptoms of trauma in young children (Alisic et al., 2012):<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li data-leveltext=\"%1.\" data-font=\"Times New Roman\" data-listid=\"5\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:0,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769242&quot;:[65533,0],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;%1.&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Avoidant parenting<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">: Some parents are withdrawn and unavailable to children as a result of their own insecurity and trauma.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Overprotective parenting<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">: Out of fear that their child may be traumatized again, some caregivers are overprotective, preoccupied with fear that their child will be retraumatized by talking about a difficult event.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Frightening parenting<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">: Some parents repeatedly quiz their child on details about the trauma, frightening<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">their child in the process.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In contrast, consider what researchers describe as <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/supportive-parenting-disadvantaged-children\/\">s<\/a><\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\"><a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/supportive-parenting-disadvantaged-children\/\">upportive parenting<\/a>, <\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">beneficial parenting that occurs in response to children\u2019s initiation of talk about trauma. These parents take care to feel safe themselves and to be in control of their emotions (though this does not necessarily mean refraining from crying). They listen to what their children say about the difficult experience.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What_caregivers_can_do_to_support_their_children_through_trauma\"><\/span><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">What caregivers can do to support their children through trauma<\/span><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<h3><b><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Caregivers help by acknowledging children\u2019s difficult experiences<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Of particular importance is adults\u2019 acknowledgment of what children say by engaging in a supportive dialog about the experience. Specific <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s10566-021-09605-5\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">strategies<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> include:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"6\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:1080,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Asking questions, especially open-ended questions (e.g., \u201cWhat happened then?\u201d)<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"6\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:1080,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Making follow-up statements (e.g., after a child reminisced about a parent\u2019s fear that a tornado would take their house down, one mother replied, \u201cYou\u2019re right, we got lucky.\u201d)\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"6\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:1080,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"3\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Repeating the child\u2019s words back to the child, which clarifies and ensures that they were heard. This strategy can be especially useful when a parent is caught off guard by a child\u2019s comments.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><b><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Caregivers help by following children\u2019s lead<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Supportive conversations between caregivers and children about difficult experiences allow children to take the lead. If a child wants to talk about these experiences, responsive caregivers show that they are willing. If a child does not seem to want to talk about them, parents should not drill them for information.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Some caregivers find that their child is willing to talk under certain circumstances (e.g., while on a car ride) but not others (e.g., face to face). These conversations about difficult experiences occur when children (as well as parents) feel comfortable.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Caregivers help by respecting children\u2019s negative emotional experiences and coaching them through these emotions<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Parents and other caregivers sometimes think they know what their children would feel about difficult experiences, but this is not necessarily true. Adults who want to support their children after challenging events should be especially careful about labeling what children feel about the events.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Occasionally mislabeling an emotion might not enhance a child\u2019s sense of being understood, but it probably does not do damage in the long run. However, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.johngottman.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/Parental-meta-emotion-philosophy-and-the-emotional-life-of-families-Theoretical-models-and-preliminary-data.pdf\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">evidence<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> suggests that when such mislabeling is repeated often, it is not optimal for children. Instead, caregivers should let children describe their own emotions and use strategies (e.g., ask questions, follow up, and rephrase) to help check their comprehension of children\u2019s communication.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_22051\" style=\"width: 2570px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-22051\" class=\"size-full wp-image-22051\" src=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1709\" srcset=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-scaled.jpg 2560w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-768x513.jpg 768w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-1536x1025.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-2048x1367.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-356x238.jpg 356w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-700x467.jpg 700w, https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/pexels-august-de-richelieu-4260751-50x33.jpg 50w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-22051\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Photo by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pexels.com\/photo\/mother-helping-her-son-to-get-changed-4260751\/\">August de Richelieu<\/a> on Pexels<\/p><\/div>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">As caregivers navigate emotional discussions with their children, they tap into <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">meta-emotion philosophy<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">, defined as \u201can organized set of feelings and thoughts about one\u2019s own emotions and one\u2019s children\u2019s emotions\u201d (Gottman et al., 1996, p. 243).\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Some parents develop a dismissive attitude toward negative emotions<\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In research with five- to eight-year-olds, some parents adopted a <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">dismissive <\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">attitude<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">toward negative emotions (e.g., sadness, anger), ignoring or denying those emotions out of fear that their children\u2019s sadness or anger would upset them. They tried to distract their children from talking about their feelings. Other caregivers were intrusive<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">, <\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">critical, and mocking of their children, which is<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> derogatory behavior <\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">that is characteristic of parental rejection.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In contrast, other caregivers in the same study expressed awareness of negative emotions in themselves and their children, saw their children\u2019s expressions as opportunities to become close with or instruct their children, and validated their children\u2019s negative feelings. These parents\u2019 style reflects an <\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">emotion-coaching<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> philosophy.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">As caregivers who adhered to this philosophy, these adults helped their children verbally label negative emotions correctly and assisted them in identifying resolutions to the emotional experiences. The children of these emotion-coaching<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">parents had better emotional regulation and peer interactions three years later than did the children of adults who demonstrated dismissive or derogatory parenting.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Caregivers help by using direct words that minimize risk of misinterpretation<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Elementary school children often ask caregivers questions about death, and it is a common impulse for adults to use terms like \u201cwent to sleep\u201d or to explain the circumstances by saying the person or animal \u201cwas very sick.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">However, children this age are famously literal in their interpretations of such euphemisms, perhaps leading them to believe that when they themselves go to bed or get sick, they will disappear like their pet or grandparent did. It is better for children\u2019s comprehension to call death what it is, even if it feels insensitive due to cultural tendencies.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Additional_advice\"><\/span><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Additional advice<\/span><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Of course, in extreme cases \u2013 when a deeply traumatic event occurred or when children seem excessively upset \u2013 parents may seek therapy for their children. This kind of therapy inherently involves confronting the event and talking about it. Prior to such therapy, caregivers are advised to confine themselves to asking open-ended questions (e.g., \u201cAnd then what happened?\u201d) and avoiding yes\/no questions (e.g., \u201cDid the man touch you there?\u201d).<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Letting children take the lead is advisable and associated with children\u2019s well-being, allowing them to begin to move past the trauma.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Based on an extensive review of evidence, researchers have devised a structured interview for children who are suspected of having been abused (Lamb et al., 2007). Such an approach is difficult for even trained interviewers to adhere to; parents will likely also find advice in this blog difficult to follow, but they are still encouraged to try using open-ended questions that encourage children to elaborate on their descriptions based on their own needs and comfort levels.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In other cases \u2013 such as when a child continually avoids mention of what happened<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\"> \u2013 <\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">caregivers may want to consult their local children\u2019s librarian for books that may help them discuss the issue. The American Psychological Association (through Magination Press) has a list of books that promote children\u2019s mental health, including <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/pubs\/magination\/browse?query=subject:Trauma\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">books related to trauma<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"auto\">.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;201341983&quot;:0,&quot;335559740&quot;:480}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In summary, parents and other caregivers should be prepared to talk about upsetting events with their children, ensuring that both the children and the adults feel safe. Letting children take the lead is advisable and associated with children\u2019s well-being, allowing them to begin to move past the trauma.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Key takeaways for caregivers\u00a0 Many children witness upsetting events. Contrary to what some adults believe, they often want to talk about these events.\u00a0 Acknowledging children\u2019s talk about these events is important for supporting their healthy processing and development.\u00a0 Rather than avoiding children\u2019s talk about upsetting experiences, caregivers should follow their children\u2019s lead, echo what they [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":127,"featured_media":22164,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[438,5897],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22049"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/127"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22049"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22049\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22389,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22049\/revisions\/22389"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22164"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22049"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22049"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22049"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}