{"id":2046,"date":"2016-03-10T21:37:30","date_gmt":"2016-03-10T21:37:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/childandfamily.staging.properdesign.rs\/?p=2046"},"modified":"2024-05-11T22:33:59","modified_gmt":"2024-05-11T21:33:59","slug":"praise-can-discourage-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/praise-can-discourage-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Well-Meant Praise Can Discourage Children"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><\/p>\n<h3><strong>Research shows that inflated and person-focused praise can undermine motivation in children with low self-esteem.<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/what-is-gentle-parenting-and-is-it-good-for-children\/\">Parenting<\/a> books may need to be rewritten in light of research showing that parents and teachers praise children with low self-esteem in ways that may eventually lower their motivation and feelings of self-worth.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve found that certain types of praise can <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/adverse-childhood-experiences-negatively-affect-development\/\">negatively affect child development<\/a>, especially in children with low self-esteem\u2014those who seem to need praise the most. In an attempt to raise these children\u2019s self-esteem, adults often give them <em>person praise<\/em>, such as saying \u201cYou\u2019re smart\u201d, as well as <em>inflated praise<\/em>, such as saying \u201cThat\u2019s <em>incredibly <\/em>beautiful\u201d. Paradoxically, we have found that such praise can lower these children\u2019s motivation and feelings of self-worth when they struggle or fail. So they may be put off trying new or difficult tasks. Ironically, children with lowered feelings of self-worth may then find that adults lavish more of this inappropriate praise on them, further diminishing their self-worth. A self-sustaining downward spiral may be established.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>\u201cInstead of praising children\u2019s fixed qualities, celebrate the strategies they\u2019ve used to achieve their outcomes. So when a child earns high grades in mathematics, praise the effort the child put into learning and practising to achieve such a wonderful outcome. And keep the praise moderate, rather than inflated, so children won\u2019t feel pressured to perform \u2018incredibly well\u2019 all the time.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_79_2 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-custom ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title ez-toc-toggle\" style=\"cursor:pointer\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #121c4e;color:#121c4e\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #121c4e;color:#121c4e\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/praise-can-discourage-children\/#Praise_Can_Discourage_Children\" >Praise Can Discourage Children<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/praise-can-discourage-children\/#Person_Praise_Backfires\" >Person Praise Backfires<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/praise-can-discourage-children\/#Inflated_Praise_Can_Also_Backfire\" >Inflated Praise Can Also Backfire<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/praise-can-discourage-children\/#Its_Easy_To_Make_These_Mistakes\" >It\u2019s Easy To Make These Mistakes<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/praise-can-discourage-children\/#How_Parents_Teachers_Can_Improve_Praising_Children\" >How Parents &amp; Teachers Can Improve Praising Children<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Praise_Can_Discourage_Children\"><\/span>Praise Can Discourage Children<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Here\u2019s a typical example of the problem, described by psychologist and educator Haim Ginott in his book <em>Between Parent and Child<\/em>. When 12-year-old Linda arrived at the third level of her video game, her father exclaimed, \u201cYou\u2019re great! You have perfect coordination! You\u2019re an expert player.\u201d Linda lost interest and walked away. Her father\u2019s praise made it difficult for her to continue because she said to herself, \u201cDad thinks I\u2019m a great player, but I\u2019m no expert. I made the third level by luck. If I try again, I may not even make the second level. It is better to quit while I\u2019m ahead.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Person_Praise_Backfires\"><\/span>Person Praise Backfires<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Adults seem particularly inclined to give person praise to children with low self-esteem. In one of our studies, parents read scenarios involving children with either high or low self-esteem, such as: \u201cSarah is often happy  with herself. She has just made a drawing.\u201d Parents wrote down the praise they would give. Parents gave children with low self-esteem more than twice as much person praise (30%) (such as \u201cYou\u2019re great!\u201d) as they gave children with high self-esteem (14%). By contrast, they gave those with low self-worth somewhat less process praise (such as \u201cYou worked really hard at this!\u201d).<\/p>\n<p>Person praise can have adverse effects, as Carol Dweck of Stanford University and her colleagues have demonstrated in several landmark experiments. In our own research, we found that the effects can be especially adverse for children with low self-esteem. We did an experiment where <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/children-of-divorce-self-esteem\/\">children reported their self-esteem<\/a> and then played a competitive game. They were randomly assigned to receive person praise, process praise, or no praise after practicing the game. Children were then randomly assigned to succeed or fail at the game. As predicted, person praise caused children, especially those with low self-esteem, to feel down about themselves. Process praise did not have an adverse effect.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Inflated_Praise_Can_Also_Backfire\"><\/span>Inflated Praise Can Also Backfire<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/young-adults-return-parents\/\">Adults<\/a> sometimes also try to raise self-esteem by giving overly positive, inflated praise. Instead of telling children that they did well, for example, adults may tell them that they did <em>incredibly<\/em> well. In one of our studies, adults read scenarios involving children with high or low self-esteem, and they wrote down the praise they would give. Adults gave children with low self-esteem more inflated praise (33%) than they gave children with high self-esteem (18%). We replicated these findings in home observations of actual parent-child interactions.<\/p>\n<p>The effects of such tendencies among adults are revealed in another of our studies. In this experiment, children answered questions to establish their level of self-esteem and were then invited to draw a painting, <em>Wild Roses<\/em> by Vincent van Gogh. Each drawing was ostensibly evaluated by a professional painter. Children were randomly assigned to receive inflated praise (\u201cYou made an <em>incredibly<\/em> beautiful drawing!\u201d), non-inflated praise (\u201cYou made a beautiful drawing!\u201d), or no praise.<\/p>\n<p>Later, children were presented with pairs of drawings. From each pair, they chose which one to draw. One was a simple drawing about which they were told: \u201cYou won\u2019t make many mistakes, but you won\u2019t learn much either\u201d. The other was a complex drawing about which they were told: \u201cYou might make many mistakes, but you\u2019ll definitely learn a lot, too\u201d. As predicted, the inflated praise led children with low self-esteem to choose the simpler drawings. Non-inflated praise, however, led them to choose more complex drawings. So the adults, motivated to counteract children\u2019s low self-esteem, found that their strategy did not work as intended. The outcome, however, was different for children with high self-esteem, who felt encouraged by inflated praise to take on challenges.<\/p>\n<p>What do person praise and inflated praise have in common that makes them backfire in <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/building-childrens-self-esteem-without-turning-them-into-narcissists\/\">children with low self-esteem<\/a>? We suggest that, in the face of such praise, children become driven by the desire to gain or avoid losing self-worth. So when they think they might fail, they will avoid the task and miss out on the crucial learning processes. And when they struggle with a task or experience failure, they may infer that they are worthless, unable to live up to the image described by those praising them. Thus can person praise and inflated praise worsen the problem that they were intended to resolve.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Its_Easy_To_Make_These_Mistakes\"><\/span>It\u2019s Easy To Make These Mistakes<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Why do well-meaning adults continue to praise children with low self-esteem in inflated and person-focused ways? When adults give such praise, children\u2019s initial response is most likely positive\u2014smiling, sitting upright, and looking confident. This initial positive response can reinforce adults\u2019 use of these types of praise. But adults might not recognize when, later, this praise leads to harmful effects in the face of struggles or setbacks, for these effects are counterintuitive and can occur long after the praise has been given. Thus, while the immediate positive effects of person praise and inflated praise seem obvious, their longer-term harmful effects may fly under the radar.<\/p>\n<p>The process is perhaps easier to appreciate if you consider how other, also seemingly well-intended, practices by adults can have unintended consequences. Sometimes adults display affection and appreciation of a <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/harsh-punishment-leads-to-less-credible-parenting\/\">child<\/a> chiefly when the child has done something good. Studies by Avi Assor and Guy Roth of Ben-Gurion University and their colleagues have shown that such conditional love can be harmful. Although adults may believe it will spark children\u2019s motivation, conditional love can convey to children that they are worthy when they succeed but worthless when they fail. This may put stifling pressure on children to excel and thus undermine their intrinsic motivation. Again, what seems like common sense can lead well-intentioned adults to rely on counterproductive practices.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_Parents_Teachers_Can_Improve_Praising_Children\"><\/span>How Parents &amp; Teachers Can Improve Praising Children<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>So, how should parents \u2013 as well as others who care for children, such as teachers \u2013 improve the way they praise children? Use process praise instead of person praise. Instead of praising children\u2019s fixed qualities, celebrate the strategies they\u2019ve used to achieve their outcomes. So when a child earns high grades in mathematics, praise the effort the child put into learning and practising to achieve such a wonderful outcome. By doing so, parents and teachers focus children on the actions that lead to success, and teach them that they can learn and improve themselves. And keep the praise moderate, rather than inflated, so <a href=\"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/negative-impact-of-parental-physical-punishment-of-children\/\">children<\/a> won\u2019t feel pressured to perform \u201cincredibly well\u201d all the time. By giving moderate praise, parents and teachers set realistic standards for children.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s quite easy to give praise. But children with low self-esteem may need more than that. In recent research, we have shown that an important predictor of low self-worth is a lack of warmth and affection that children receive from parents. In some cases, it might be more important to build better relationships with children than to give praise. Parents might spend more time with them, show more interest in what they\u2019re doing, and demonstrate that they value their company. Parents can thus convey to children that they are valued for who they are, regardless of their achievements.<\/p>\n<div class=\"retrofit-references\">\n<h4>References<\/h4>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 1.8em;\"><em>\u00a0Brummelman E, Crocker J &amp; Bushman BJ (2016), <a href=\"https:\/\/onlinelibrary.wiley.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1111\/cdep.12171\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">The praise paradox: When and why praise backfires in children with low self-esteem<\/a>, Child Development Perspectives, 10.2<\/em><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Research shows that inflated and person-focused praise can undermine motivation in children with low self-esteem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":86,"featured_media":2047,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[438],"tags":[32,402,267,401,6],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2046"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/86"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2046"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2046\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19431,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2046\/revisions\/19431"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2047"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/childandfamilyblog.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}